Friday, March 29, 2002

For you Iron Chef fans...
I have to admit, I have an unnatural fascination with Iron Chef. That show is strangely hypnotic. I'm amazed to find that there are so many other people out there that watch the show. When Conrado and I were in NJ, we got into a discussion with my parents' neighbor who thought Bobby Flay (a challenger on the hyped up NYC episode of Iron Chef) was the most amazing chef ever. Well, being fans of Iron Chef, we both begged to differ. I found this quote on an Iron Chef message board and I think it just about sums up everything.

"Bobby Flay is the human embodiment of a BLINK tag"

Being a web developer, I cannot imagine a worse insult. [comment via the Anti-Bobby Flay webring]
posted by Sandra at 11:57 PM
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Monday, March 25, 2002

This week's best search engine keywords
What I find rather disturbing though thoroughly entertaining are the keyword searches people have used and found my site with. This site was set up primarily for me to jot down funny things for me to remember. It's also for friends who would like to check in and see what I'm up to. I suppose it was only a matter of time for the search engines to find this site. We all make fun of the phrase "oriental delight" and it IS a funny story. I know that Geno was endlessly amused, deeming that my nickname. What's really incredible is that there are some SICK SICK SICK people out there actually looking for "oriental delights" and they ain't looking for chow mein or furniture! They must be sorely disappointed when they find THIS site. :-) But, it IS interesting to see what people are looking for out there on the web. These are some of the best ones I've found this week.

tagalog p0rn - hey Conrado! Is there even such a thing as this???
fat ugly women over 70 - actually, I don't think I even WANT to know why someone would search for this...
Scottish amatuer p0rn - now would someone explain this one to me? what exactly IS Scottish porn? Would they wear kilts? Do people want to hear the accent 'cause I didn't think there was tons of in-depth dialog. Would you necessarily be able to tell the people WERE Scottish just by looking at them? I guess I don't get it. Maybe they are looking for Scottish filmmakers?
Oriental therapeutic balls - Is it just me or does anyone else think this sounds rather funny?
Hot asian chicks playing volleyball - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I can't even comment I'm laughing too hard!
posted by Sandra at 8:24 PM
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Friday, March 22, 2002

Home Sweet Home
Ahhhh so great to be back! I knew I was home when I took a cab back from the airport and the driver turned to me, pointed to my lip ring and said, "I like that. It looks very pretty on you." People in NJ didn't really seem to have that reaction... :-) And it's SO nice to be back in my nice big bed!! Visiting my parents means sleeping in my old room on a twin bed. What is even more frightening than the twin bed was that my parents had left my room the way it was when I left it like 15 years ago. I had promised Geno that I would get pictures of my old room in all its splendor, complete with black velvet unicorn poster and feathered roach clips. However, I think my parents must have picked up on my secret plan to photograph the room and took everything down. I came back to a fairly normal looking room. Sorry Geno! I'd just like to thank Conrado for supplying the photographs of our trip. We encountered so many fun and funny things during our stay. It's nice to be back though.
posted by Sandra at 12:28 AM
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Saturday, March 16, 2002

In their kitchen
Please note that no cats were harmed in the filming of these photos. We love love love our cats and these photos neither imply nor condone cat abuse.

		We were making adobo for dinner and Teddy was rolling around on one of the spare chopping boards. Definitely merits a photo.
		Rolling pin kitty!
		We made manju (i.e. Japanese red bean cookies) and I decided to make mine in the shape of cats. These is my version of a Hello Kitty cookie. And, its quite yummy.

posted by Conrado at 1:20 AM
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Thursday, March 14, 2002

Photo Fun at Yaohan
Click on the pics for bigger versions and captions. JS courtesy of our gorgeous geekgirl, Sandy!

I'm sure Mrs. Wakai thinks I am one of her daughter's weirder friends, since I run around with a video camera everywhere we go. There is not much to photograph in NJ, except if you want to document guidos with their gold necklaces and shirts open to the third button. These pics were shot when we went to Yaohan, the NJ super-duper A-1 shopping complex that caters to the Japanese community. The cosmetics they sold had very odd names, especially the Men's Cosmetics section, and they sell Hello Kitty appliances!

posted by Conrado at 6:51 PM
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Wednesday, March 13, 2002

Funny Nails, not so funny I guess!
Well I have to admit that Conrado's antics had me howling but I, for one, had a great time. I had convinced him to try the paraffin dip so he could say that he tried it once. I guess I just forgot to tell him about the part where they put giant, white, plastic, retangular, heated oven mitts on your hands and roast them! He was quite calm about that part though. He just said, "oh, this is rather hot!" and then pulled out his hand a few moments later. I think I would have been screaming! Another strange thing happened while we were there. First off, we were the only two people in the place. Secondly, Conrado was sitting there in one of those elevated spa chairs (like a raised throne) after the paraffin dip for his feet. I was sitting next to him in a chair just handing out chatting after getting a paraffin dip for my hands. While we were waiting and chatting a young guy carrying umbrellas and wearing one of those bike messenger bags walks in, comes up and says "hi". I figured he either worked there or was there to get his nails done. Conrado thought he was a mailman. It turns out he is a door-to-door salesman. So the kid gets very chatty and tries to sell us everything from children alphabet books to tool kits. We politely tell him no and that we are not even from NJ, just visiting. He immediately perks up...

Kid: Are you from California??
Us: Yes, San Francisco actually.
Kid: I knew it!! I kinda got that vibe from you guys! You guys are ravers, right?!? I kinda get that feel! You like goin' to raves?
Us: Um, no not really.
Kid: Oh, well you kinda look like you are ravers...

What I REALLY want to know is what exactly made this kid think we were ravers? I had to stop and think of the hilarity of the situation... a gay, philippino MAN with a lip ring in a nail salon in suburban NJ sitting on a throne wearing giant, white, plastic booties and a str8, japanese woman with purple tinged hair and a lip ring, wearing thick, black framed geek glasses, wearing giant, white, plastic, rectangular, oven mitts on her hands. I'm not sure this qualifies us as "ravers" but it definitely screams, "NOT FROM NEW JERSEY".
posted by Sandra at 12:43 PM
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They tried to maim me at Funny Nails!!

Sandra and I had our nails done today. She went with Concord Grape for her toenails. I, in celebration of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day, chose the more festive "Lucky Charms" opalescent green. We opted to have the paraffin dip for our hands and feet. The procedure is quite fascinating: they dip the hands and feet in hot wax three times, then cover them with clear plastic bags, then insert them in heated booties for the feet and heated mittens for the hands. In my case, the heated mittens were set on a temperature that was alarmingly high. It was high enough that when I yanked my left hand out of the mitten, the plastic had melted and my thumb was sticking through the bag! It was not so funny at Funny Nails!

And, being the amateur at having my nails done, I managed to smudge the polish the woman painstakingly layered on my toenails. I did not even make it out to the car when Sandra and I had to go back in for a retouch. I hope I don't lose gay points for this!
posted by Conrado at 1:11 AM
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Sunday, March 10, 2002

Disturbing New Jersey Products

Um, yeah...it does say "No-Crack Cream". I was telling Sandy that she can give this to her crack-addict neighbor down the hall, but then this is only for day use. Won't prevent him from smoking crack at nite! Before I left for NJ, I went to the local Safeway to buy some toiletries for the trip. At the register, the checkout woman announces that I have won daily facials. A spattering of images crossed my mind, all involving the bull-necked, thickly muscled checkout guy two lanes over. Too bad she actually meant this.

posted by Conrado at 9:08 PM
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"Dora"-isms continued, aka "I STILL have NO idea what my mother just said"
My mom, recounting her days on the volunteer First Aid Squad in my home town. To prepare the members of the squad for the kinds of situations they may encounter, they are shown very graphic videos of accident scenes and severe injuries.

Mom: Ohhh and then they showed us all these movies of accidents that were not very pleasant! To see if you could handle the sight of blood and stuff. And, all of a sudden, the guy sitting next to me falls off his chair! Wah! He passed out! And he was senior member of the squad!! Can you believe that?? and later his friend said she could not believe that he fell down!! She was like, "why did he faint?? he has an iron of steel!!! he should not faint!"

OK, I have NO idea what an "iron of steel" is but I guess it stops you from fainting. What really amazed me was that the three other people in the car didn't say a word, this includes Conrado!! Am I the only one who is confused by this??
posted by Sandra at 2:42 AM
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"Dora"-isms, aka "I have NO idea what my mother just said"
I don't know if it is that my mom grew up in Hawaii, speaking "pidgeon" english, or that perhaps living in NJ has done something very strange to her speech but I swear, half the time I have NO idea what my mom is talking about. Granted she gets very animated and excited while talking so it's very cute but I STILL don't know what she is trying to say. Here are some snippets of conversations we've had during our visit so far.

Mom: [to us] Have you people been to "The Rainforest"? ("Rainforest Cafe" = cheezy "jungle" theme restaurant, however WE don't know this)
Me: HUH??
Conrado: no, I don't think so. (either Conrado is frighteningly, telepathically connected to my mom or is just much more patient and understand of her than I am)
Mom: Oh we really should go! Didn't we go there last time?
Me: (getting impatient 'cause I STILL don't know what she means by "the Rainforest") Go WHERE?? What IS it?
Mom: Oh it's GREAT! There are lots of "animations"! You know, "animations" like you'd find in a rain forest!
Conrado: Cool! that would be fun!

I didn't know if I should just be REALLY confused or just cracking up... maybe both. ANIMATIONS? There are animations in the rain forest?? And HOW does this explain that it is a restaurant? And how does Conrado know this will be FUN? I even asked him about the "animations" and whether or not he even knew what she was talking about. He just said, "Nope, I have no idea." Great, make ME look like the stupid one! ;-)
posted by Sandra at 2:12 AM
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Thursday, March 07, 2002

My mother "discusses" Conrado's sexual orientation...
Now you must keep a couple things in mind regarding my mother: 1. She is Japanese and almost 70 years old which means the following topics are never supposed to be discussed - money, sex, and politics. 2. She tries really hard TO be more open and will attempt to discuss these topics (I have to give her a lot of credit for that) ... as long as she does not have to be too direct about it. So, although she may not come right out and talk about things, in true asian fashion, she is a master at "alluding" to quite a lot.

Mom: When is Conrado's birthday?
Me: I don't know. [to Conrado] WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Conrado: July 17th.
Me: [to my mom] JULY 17th!
Mom: Oh! that is funny!
Me: Why is that funny, Mom?
Mom: He has the same birthday as your Uncle Tom!

** Quick note here: Uncle Tom ==> informally "adopted uncle" ==> long time family friend ==> also gay. When I was very young, I asked why he did not have a wife. The response given to me was "He does not have a wife. He is a BACHELOR." Talk about screwed up! I spent most of my life thinking that "bachelor" meant "gay". **

Me: Really?? He has the same birthday as Uncle Tom, huh? ... Uncle Tom, the "bachelor"?
Mom: Yes, he was a bachelor. It's funny they have the same exact birthday though...
Me: Yes. Seeing as Conrado is a "bachelor" too.

hehehehe. Japanese families are SO strange. It's incredible... the conversations you can have without actually mentioning anything.
posted by Sandra at 11:33 PM
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Wednesday, March 06, 2002

iPod on my mind

O! silver-white box, Holder of a thousand songs! Come, come to me now! Five buttons and wheel Plexiglass front and steel back Can't wait to own you. These haikus are in homage to Geno, my latest Mac OS X hero!

posted by Conrado at 10:47 PM
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Tuesday, March 05, 2002

Fine dining at 30K feet

So we are back in New Jersey. This time, the flight was a bit more entertaining since the flight's purser was a very witty young guy, who professed: "Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen to Flight 449 going to Newark, NJ. If Newark is not part of your itinerary, its going to be. If this is not acceptable to you, please run frantically to the front of the plane with your hand-carried items and we will be happy to let you off the plane."
		And, to boot, we got the really horrifying meals. The last time we flew, it was salt-lick chicken and pasta, and the menu tonight was congealed chicken lasagna, shown here. It was quite special that half of the meal stuck to the foil cover when I opened it. For all my bellyaching, you will notice that I managed to wolf it down.
		The one saving grace for the meal was this brownie. It actually does not look much, but it has a very high chocolate chip ratio. At 30K feet, with my ears ringing, and the beginnings of a flu setting in, this was pretty damn good!
And, IMHO, the iPod is not only a cool little gadget, but it catches people's attention and gives one cool points. The flight attendant was suitably impressed when I was talking about my beloved iPod, and he was compeletely aghast to find ot that it holds over 1K songs. I am such a geek.

posted by Conrado at 9:39 PM
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Monday, March 04, 2002

So "hot" she can turn a gay man straight!
What a beautiful, sunny Sunday! Aleesha, Conrado and I went for a walk. We passed two men standing at a crosswalk. One of the guys, looks Aleesha up and down and yells, "I'm GAY but I could be straight over YOU!" which promptly sent Conrado and me into a fit of hysterics and Aleesha into open-mouthed shock/amusement. The irony of it all - is not just that the guy was gay but so was his intended target! Personally, I'll be giggling about that one for days.
posted by Sandra at 1:15 AM
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Saturday, March 02, 2002

Just for you Geno!
Geesh, everyone's a critic! OK Geno, just for you baby. On my links page, you can now click on the pictures! Picky, picky, picky! *wink*
posted by Sandra at 1:27 AM
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Funniest quote ever

"It's like so strange, if I'm talking to a guy whose straight and cute and single, I'm like, 'Are you a unicorn??'" - Margaret Cho

I just saw "I'm the one that I want" and I highly suggest anyone who has not seen it yet to go buy/rent it. It was HYSTERICAL yet poignant. She is amazing.
posted by Sandra at 12:59 AM
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