Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Identity crisis
Last night, Conrado and I decided to pop into N'Touch for old times sake. I had not been there in years. I knew we were in trouble when we both got carded the second we sat down.

Bartender: You both look like you are 17. I need to see some ID's.
Conrado: We're being carded?!? We LOVE you!! *hands over ID*
Bartender: You can't be more than 25. I'll be really embarrassed if I'm way off on this one. OK, well I wasn't TOO far off.
Me: I can't believe I'm being carded! *hands over ID*
Bartender: Ummm this isn't you. I know who you are! You're Margaret Cho!
Conrado: Oh my god! you are the BEST!
*bartender proceeds to call me "Margaret" all night*

Although I adore Margaret Cho, I just don't think I look like her. However, people seem to mistake me for her quite often. It's very strange. Then again, people keep saying that James looks like Michael Stipe. I don't think he looks anything like him. I'm just waiting to see pictures of us on some tabloid with the headline, "MICHAEL STIPE AND MARGARET CHO SEEN BUYING COMPUTER GAMES TOGETHER AT EBX!!"
posted by Sandra at 1:28 PM
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Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Walk like a man...
I don't think Conrado has ever fully recovered from the Chevy's dinner conversation where his "manliness" was called into question. This past weekend Aleesha, Conrado, James, and I were taking a walk.

Me: (to Conrado) Did you know your sister told me the other day that you not only look like a little boy but you WALK like a little boy too.
Conrado: She said WHAT?! What does that mean??
Me: I don't know. That you walk like a young boy and not like a "man"?
Conrado: Oh now my walk isn't "manly" enough? I walk just like James! Here watch.
(Conrado speeds up so that he is walking behind James)
Conrado: See!! I walk just like he does!
Aleesha: Well... not really. James kinda has this slight "straight guy" bounce to his step...
Conrado: I'm walking just like him! I have a manly walk!
Aleesha: (to me) Actually he DOES walk a lot like Michael.
Me: Who's Michael?
Aleesha: My friends' 8-year old son.
Conrado: What did she say?!
Me: Nothing. Nothing at all.
posted by Sandra at 3:43 PM
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Several hundred braids + hot weather = misery
Talk about bad timing. This really should have been a hair style for the winter. Of course I get long microbraids and then we get a heat wave. I was out walking around in the sun yesterday and realized it felt like I was wearing a sheepdog on my head. ... not that I have ever put a sheepdog on my head but I think I have a good idea of what it might be like.
posted by Sandra at 1:03 PM
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Monday, June 10, 2002

The never-ending hair appointment
OK, so I just had my hair done last week. It took TWO days! Actual time working on my hair? About 22 hours! I'm pretty sure this is what purgatory would be like - stuck sitting in a salon chair for 22 hours. My butt didn't just fall asleep, it was in a full-blown coma after the first 12 hours. I got microbraids done and my hair is about a foot longer than in those pictures. I almost started sobbing when I saw how small my friend had done the braids. I figured since we were going for more length, she would make the braids bigger but NOOOOoooooo... She is insane. The salon I go to is in a rather dubious part of town and is, to say the least, rather "ghetto." I think they find it amusing to see a little Japanese girl getting microbraids. So for two days I was forced to watch more day-time talk shows and court TV shows than I have ever seen in my life. It was also two days spent hearing lots of "DANG!" and "oh-KAY! She a HO!" My friend, Marlyse, who was born and raised in Cameroon, got her law degree in Paris, and doesn't speak English very well would chime in every so often with a "I seenk dat 'ooman eez a prousteetute, no?" The women who work at the salon all know me as I've been going there for years. Of course everyone had to give a running commentary on my hair for the two days I was there. The general consensus seemed to be "Girl, you crazy! Your hair gonna be all kinds of messed up!" I'll try to post pictures of it so you can see my "messed up" hair. :-)
posted by Sandra at 2:03 PM
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Tuesday, June 04, 2002

Realizing the ridiculousness of an everyday situation.
A friend came over the other day to do some design work. Basically, he just wanted my DSL. He showed me his big iBook and I just gave it up like a trick from Craig's List M4M. I was making phone calls going through my to-do list for the day. I had to call a store to inquire about a late order shipment. I realized just how bizarre this conversation must have sounded to him.

Me: I did not get my order today. Where is my hair??
Woman: Oops, we sent it to the wrong address!
Me: My hair is at a different address?! Where did my hair go?
Woman: Sorry, we're fixing the situation right now. You'll get it tomorrow at the correct address.
Me: Thank you so much!
-
Me: That must have sounded very odd.
Conrado: hehehe. Yeah. All I heard was "Where's my hair?? You sent my hair to someone else?!" It's not really YOUR hair you know.
Me: Well that isn't really the point! Someone ELSE has MY hair!! er well someone else's hair!…hmm
Conrado: Well now, I guess there are two people without hair then - the person it originally belonged to and you.
Me: …

Explanation: I like having long hair. I am too lazy to grow my hair out. I have a friend from Cameroon who does extensions/braids/weaves. I cheat and buy my long hair.
posted by Sandra at 1:05 AM
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Monday, June 03, 2002

A public service announcement.
You know, one of the blogs I enjoy and read regularly is East Coast/West Coast. I think these guys are great but recently I discovered something very alarming about about one of them, Philo. I mean I know that kids want to fit in and be cool. I know they want to be hip and trendy. I don't think they realize that they can ruin not only their lives but other's lives as well. Philo says it's just a little recreational blogwhoring but it can have greater consequencess than he thinks.

Philo: "I helped murder families in Colombia. Hey, it was just a little harmless fun. I helped blow up buildings and websites. All the kids do it. I helped put a wegame host in a psychiatric ward. It's not like I was hurting anybody else."

BLOGWHORING
SUPPORTS TERROR.
IF YOU BLOGWHORE
YOU MIGHT TOO.
blogwhore-thewebgame.com
posted by Sandra at 11:48 PM
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A walk down Polk Street
I was walking down Polk Street this weekend to go get a coffee with a friend. Polk is such an odd place with its large assortment of trannies and boy-hookers. You actually get used to being solicited for money and other interesting things. When that doesn't happen you feel unloved and insecure. ;-) Anyway, we were talking about how sad some of these young kids are. I feel bad for them. We passed one, looking all strung out and pathetic, muttering to himself. You could tell he used to be beautiful and full of life at some point. He saw us and begged, "Hey, you wanna date? I just need an internet connection, just for a few minutes! You have a computer?? I have stuff to post you know… I haven't posted in over a week! Just…one…quick…post…PLEASE!!!" He began sobbing. We hurried away embarrassed, avoiding eye contact. I was like, "Oh my god, I know him! That's Todd. That's what happens to washed up blogwhores. It's so sad. Turning tricks just for a quick blog…" My friend and I continued on to enjoy our internet-free day and a LOT of mochas.
posted by Sandra at 3:25 PM
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Saturday, June 01, 2002

Adobo, pancit, and Todd is almost killed by a chair
Can I tell you how much I love Conrado's family? His mother brought over some home cooked Philippino food, enough to feed a small army! Had been chatting with Todd earlier who said he was going to run to the store. Strangely enough, he suddenly appeared at Conrado's apartment. Got locked out of his place I guess. At least he got there in time to meet all of Conrado's family and to enjoy the feast. I forgot to tell Todd that the chair he was sitting on was broken. This same chair fell apart on Conrado the other night as I got an IM from him, "AHHHHHHH! YOUR CHAIR ALMOST KILLED ME!" What's interesting is that the same chair almost killed Geno awhile back. I guess after 3 unsuccessful assassination attempts on my friends, the chair just gave up in utter frustration and splintered apart while Todd was sitting on it. Todd didn't die though. Just gasped and jumped up. No one really said anything but did offer him another chair. They were probably all thinking, "Wow, that big gay white guy just broke the chair." ;-)
posted by Sandra at 6:01 PM
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My thoughts on being in a webgame.
So an explanation to those friends that knew I was in a webgame. Here is why I left. I know I never actually explained to a lot of you why I did. I was actually having a great time with it. It was a blast and if you could keep yourself at a slight distance, it was fascinating. I was hoping that everyone in the game had a basic understanding of the following:

1. To create a successful game that would be entertaining for the PUBLIC. A successful game, to me, means something that will keep people's interest. If people get excited enough or passionate enough to post and follow the game, that is a good thing.
2. Put ego and selfish motives aside to provide said entertainment. I have no problems humiliating myself.
3. Have enough self-confidence to realize that this is not real life and what happens in the game does not change or reflect on who you are as a person. It doesn't matter what other people think. You will always continue to be who you are.
4. Do what you are comfortable doing in the game. Allow others to do the same. If you feel you are really compromising something of yourself, then get out. It IS a voluntary game.

I believed whole-heartedly in these things. I also knew there were no "rules" per se. I wrote what I was comfortable writing. I watched to see what people found entertaining. I was ok with spicing up the game and was willing to take the heat for it. If people found it entertaining so be it. If not, I'd be eliminated. However, I realized early on that not everyone believes this game is for the public nor do they want to make the game successful. So the way I saw things? in complete honesty? One woman contestant decided that the game should be played by her rules, bottom line, and had temper tantrums when people didn't do what SHE wanted. This in itself would be ok and could be ignored, and the game should be able to continue. However, based on one Peanut Gallery member's post, it looked like there was an idle threat to leave the game, don't know. My gut feeling was that this person was applying pressure outside of the game because it wasn't going how she wanted. That didn't seem very fair considering everyone else had to fend for themselves. What has become obvious is that she wants the game to be all about happy, dreamy emotions. Talking about that is as much contrived as is people fighting in a game. Actually I'm not even sure that is what it's really about. What it looks like, after following the game, is that some people basically wanted to use the game and its large audience as nothing more than an extension of their own personal blogs. If you take it all seriously then you'd be getting even more external validation and reassurance. If people react negatively then suddenly your self-worth will be in question. I honestly didn't believe that the game was created so that I could get some free therapy and be made to feel like I was a better person because of it. That's pretty selfish to think that someone else's public game should be for that purpose and the motives dubious, to say the least, to try and MAKE it that way.

Does backpatting and coddling make for an exciting and riveting webgame? I'm not sure. For me personally, 3 posts a day for 9 weeks of "You are loved! You are fabulous! You are the best! Post more so we can tell you how great you are!" just doesn't seem like it would hold people's interest for very long. I could be completely wrong about this though.

Even the Peanut Gallery (a select group of people chosen to conduct an on-going commentary about the game) has decided it's ok to make the game all about ensuring this person doesn't get upset. OK, except for one guy who just continues to give his opinions on everyone, no matter what. I have to respect him for that. I never took it personally. I was in the game to make it fun. The Peanut Gallery was there to comment on the game and I thought it was great that they could say what they felt. If people didn't enjoy my posts, that was completely ok! I would just be voted off. I mean the public was supposed to control the game. That is how it was set up. When the game changed to accommodate this one person, I was left not knowing what to do. There was no definition given between "snark" (which I've gathered is considered amusing and entertaining. Guess that is what the kids are calling it now) and "crossing-the-line" meanness (which is NOT acceptable and grounds for being drawn and quartered).

This is how I interpret it. "Snark" is something you unload on someone else and is funny. "Crossing-the-line" meanness is when you are on the receiving end and you decide to take it seriously. :-) At least this is how I view the difference between a major problem and a minor problem. It's all about perspective. Always seems worse when it's happening to you. The solution when in a public webgame? Realize it doesn't matter. Nothing that happens in the game is serious. Having someone you love dearly die? Now THAT is serious. Having someone who doesn't know you say something mean about you to other people who don't know you? Well, that is not a major catastrophe in my life. Anyway, I didn't feel comfortable not knowing when contestants would take things personally and freak out – when they would think the game was about them personally and not about providing a diversion for others to enjoy and be entertained by. I signed up to play a game for the amusement of others. I did not sign up so that one contestant could make the game into what she wanted it to be. Geesh I wish I could have done that. If I had my way, I would have made everyone talk about parrots everyday!! :-) But, that would not have been very interesting and no one would have followed the game. It wasn't about what I wanted anyway. So given the situation and not being able to write what I wanted to write, I just decided to leave the game. I really did not want to be in some support group. I had some ideas of how the game might play out but I was totally not expecting THIS. I had a lot of funny things I was going to bring into the game but sadly they would not have gone over well since people were taking it all so seriously. :-( I had a good time though and met some really great people. There are some really funny, witty people involved that understand the spirit of making a public game entertaining. I have great admiration for them, putting themselves out there to brave the textual slings and arrows.
posted by Sandra at 5:58 PM
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