Thursday, June 26, 2003

Congratulations Catriona!
Catriona (one-half of the crazy scottish twins) has just landed a job after many, many, many months of being unemployed! Congratulations! Watch out Edinburgh, here she comes! Though I'm not too sure WHAT her job is. She just said "bunny killer." That doesn't sound like a very nice job unless it means something entirely different in Scotland.
posted by Sandra at 12:45 PM
------------------------------------------------

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Adventures in cat-sitting
So, today I came to the conclusion that for as much as I LOVE having a kitty around, I just don't think I have what it takes to be a cat owner. I was working at my computer when Mikasa suddenly starts tearing around my studio apartment at breakneck speed. I couldn't figure out why she was running around and then I remember that my parent's cats will sometimes run around after using the litter box. So I thought maybe her litter box was dirty. Well sure enough it was so I cleaned it out. However, she did not stop running from one end of my apartment to the other. Jumping onto the couch, zipping into the closet, back out into the living room, dashing into the bathroom, racing over the bed. I couldn't get her to stop. She was making me nuts. So I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and Mikasa comes flying into the bathroom and jumps into the cabinet under the sink. I tried to coax her to come out to figure out what the hell she was running away from. She stepped out and I saw what was going on. Mikasa must have accidentally ingested a piece of my hair (which is quite long now). She had about 2 inches of hair sticking out of her butt with a poop ball on the end of it!! It was banging against her legs and she had been tearing around trying to get rid of it! EWWWWWW!! So, trying to be a responsible cat-sitter, I bravely grabbed a paper towel to fix the situation. Well she was NOT ok with me being anywhere near her butt and took off running. This left me in an absolutely ridiculous situation. So here I am, laughing uncontrollably, while running all around my apartment with a paper towel, chasing this little black cat with a cat poop christmas ornament hanging out of her butt! Geno, you so owe me for this!!

posted by Sandra at 2:08 PM
------------------------------------------------

How to trim a cat's claws
… you don't! You put down the nail clippers and back away slowly, hoping to escape alive. So I've been kitty-sitting Geno's cat, Mikasa. I don't know why I get so excited about watching his cat when I'm highly allergic to her and, for the most part, she just ignores me. It just makes me crazy because she is THE cutest cat in the world. She is a Bombay so she is all black and looks like a little panther. I just want to squish her! I mean she is very sweet and will let me carry her around and pet her but you can tell she is just humoring me. Now if Conrado walks into my apartment, Mikasa will run crying to him, fling herself at him and drape herself across his lap. She acts like she has not had any attention in years! She's a little tart! As Geno says, Mikasa has a very strict hierarchy of preferred people. This is the order:

1. Loud gay men
   
2. Quiet gay men
   
3. Straight men
   
4. Lesbians
   
5. Straight women
   

Seeing as I'm at the bottom of the list, I enlisted Conrado's help to trim her claws. I figured he could hold her and I could clip her nails. At first she was quite happy to sit on his lap. After a few minutes of me clipping her nails, her ears went back and she started yowling and hissing! She was SCARY! I stopped mid-clip, afraid she was going to KILL me! Conrado's response was, "I don't think she needs her nails clipped that badly. Why don't I just put her down…" Smart move. We could have died! I'll just get her a scratching post!

posted by Sandra at 1:37 PM
------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Proteomics 101
So for my latest contract, Conrado and I are working with a bio-tech company that deals with protein identification. I figured web development is web development. How hard can it be? I should have known we were in trouble when they asked us if we had a science background. (which we don't) We had to have a crash course on proteomics, got to meet some scientists and were shown a typical experiment to identify proteins. I thought I had a pretty good grasp of proteomics until I had to explain it to a friend who was going to work on the project.

[me explaining protein separation and identification to Cameron]
Me: So you have a tissue or blood sample. You then shoot electricity thru it or lasers or something.
Conrado: They don't shoot lasers at it ... it's an electrical charge.
Me: Ok well they electrocute it and it make these little dots on this white popcicle stick.
Conrado: No, it's like a thin plastic strip! That's the first dimension separation. It breaks the proteins up.
Me: Then they eletrocute the popcicle stick some more and push the dots into a big jello slab or fruit rollup or something! But you can't see the dots so they slosh it around in some blue toilet bowl cleaner stuff to stain it.
Conrado: yeah kinda ... that's the second dimension separation. They don't always stain it though. They put it thru the image analysis machine.
Me: Yeah! It's this refrigerator with a photocopier in it and they dump the jello thing on it! THEN THEY SHOOT IT WITH LASERS!!
Conrado: They don't shoot it with lasers!! They scan it.
Me: Why do I keep saying lasers? Anyway, then they cut out holes from the fruit rollup and put it in a plastic tray with lots of little wells in it! Then they add some stuff that breaks the proteins up. The proteins are little squigglies and this stuff straightens them out.
Conrado: They add enzymes or a reagent to digest the proteins into peptides.
Me: Ok so ANYWAY, they then put the "digested proteins" onto this metal plate and put it into another machine. Now I KNOW this time they shoot lasers at it and the pieces go flying around and smash into this plate!! And depending on when they hit the plate it determines how much the little pieces weigh! And THAT tells you what the protein is!
Conrado: That is NOT what it does! There are NO lasers! It has to do with atomic weights and then they get a spectragraph.
Me: Whatever! I think they are lasers! All you need to know is that proteomics involves electrocution, jello, lasers, photocopiers, fruit rollups and then they shoot everything off into SPACE!!! You get all that Cam?
Cameron: ... yeah, I think I understand. They shoot everything off into space.

posted by Sandra at 11:49 PM
------------------------------------------------

Other Columbidae Conveners
Aside from the "COME ON!!" guy, there are a few other regulars in our neighborhood who feed the pigeons. One of my favorites is the little girl who lives upstairs. Every day she and her mother go outside and she runs up and down the sidewalk yelling, "COME HERE BIRD!! COME HERE BIRD!!!" Personally I'd think this would scare any pigeon, person, or small animal. Yet again, the pigeons have been conditioned to fly over and mostly just get out of her way as she runs up and down the sidewalk. However, my all time favorite pigeon feeder is the elderly chinese woman that shuffles around the block, stopping at every parking sign to hang onto it and do some slow Tai Chi stretches. She will stop by my window, cast furtive glances up and down the street, reach in her pocket , throw some bread crumbs onto the sidewalk and shuffle away as fast as she can. She stops at the next parking sign and will look back to watch the birds feasting. She does this everyday. I’ve missed the quotidian constants of my life.

posted by Sandra at 2:15 AM
------------------------------------------------

No, I'm not dead. I'm just sleeping...
OK so I realize that I haven’t posted since January. I think I can realistically say that it’s taken me 4 months to recover from my business trip to Florida. OK well not really but after that trip, my life here in SF seems terribly mundane. I have to say I have a new appreciation for my job though. It’s nice to come home to my apartment rather than a hotel room. I don’t mind that there are no alligators near the office. And thank GOD for real coffee! Not to mention I missed all the nutty, colorful characters that populate SF. I think the one I missed most is the guy in my neighborhood who stands outside my window to feed the pigeons. He screams at the top of his lungs, "COME ON!! COME ON!!! COME ON!!!" The first time I heard this, it scared me half to death and I almost spilled my coffee on myself. It sure didn’t make MY parrots want to run to the guy. They just screeched and flapped around. However, he’s conditioned the pigeons in the neighborhood and when he starts yelling, birds from blocks away flock to the guy. It's quite remarkable.
posted by Sandra at 2:07 AM
------------------------------------------------

Thursday, January 23, 2003

You cannot deny the truth of the web!
Thank god for the web. My future has been set. I can sit back in relief to know where I will end up in life. A friend told me to play MASH online today. This is what it told me.

You will live in House.
You will drive a Puce Ice cream truck.
You will marry Todd and have -1 kids.
You will be a stripper in Jacksonville.

I have to say that since I'm marrying Todd, the idea of -1 kids is pretty probable.
posted by Sandra at 6:54 PM
------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Birdy Breakfast
I realize the biggest problem my parents have with caring for their "grandbirdies" is that one of them talks. I really think this is the source of the problem. They have no problem treating Pea-chan, the cockatiel, and Oni, the lovebird, as pets. They feed them their specific diets, they put them to bed at the correct time, and they care for them as I have instructed. Tomi seems to be another case altogether. Because he talks and seems to know what he is saying, I think they view him as a small child. They have not adhered to any of the instructions I gave them for his care! Before I came to Florida, I told them exactly what he was allowed to eat and how much. This is because Tomi, who is obsessed with food and has a tendency to be put on a diet after EVERY yearly vet visit, will incessantly ask to be fed.

(last phone call with my mom)
Me: Are you doing ok with feeding Tomi?
Mom: Oh yes! He is no problem. What do you usually feed him for breakfast?
Me: He is allowed half an Avi-Cake.
Mom: THAT'S ALL?? That is all you give him?!?!?
Me: That is plenty! He has a bowl of pellets during the day and he gets some fruits and veggies and a few nuts as a treat.
Mom: Oh. Well every morning he gets scrambled eggs, oatmeal with condensed milk and sugar (because he likes it that way), grapes, yogurt from a SPOON you know, rice, mashed yams with butter and brown sugar, and peas. oh and sometimes toast with butter.
Me: OH MY GOD! MOM!!!! HE'S NOT A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!! He's not supposed to eat that much!! I told you!!
Mom: But he sooooo hungry in the morning! And he keeps asking for more food. He eats it all up.
Me: Well YEAH!! He knows he doesn't normally get all that!! AND he knows he's not going to be eating like THAT when I get back! Mom, he's going to be HUGE!!
Mom: Nahhhh, he's ok. But, you know, he has very fluffy feathers around his legs!
Me: That's NOT feathers!! He's FAT!
Mom: he he he he, just like plump little drumsticks!
Me: That's not funny mom! Have you weighed him??
    (All the birds have been trained to sit on a little scale so I can monitor their weight. I instructed my parents to weigh him once a week and told them what his weight should be)
Mom: I tried but he won't get on the scale. Maybe he scared to see his weight, eh?

I just give up. Not only will Tomi be unbearable, he's going to be un-liftable!

posted by Sandra at 5:16 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Auditory hallucinations
I've been away from SF for too long!! I must be going through withdrawls or something because I swear I'm hearing random bits of tagalog! Maybe I just miss Conrado and his world famous adobo and this is some very odd side effect. They have put me in the middle of a call-center! How am I supposed to code in a call-center? Also, it's cube-land which is an odd thing in itself. It gives the impression of privacy but you can hear every person's conversation as though they were standing IN your cube. I hear people on the phones all day long. The person I hear most often is the nice blue-eyed, blond haired man with whom I share a cube wall. I almost never see him. I just hear him. After awhile, I notice you start to tune out all the talking and it just becomes one big, loud, incessant mumble. Even when I stand up I can't see over the wall, so most times we both face the wall and talk through it to each other. My first week there:

Cube-neighbor: ...mumble mumble mumble... ok.. mumble ..salamat po .. mumble ...

I stop coding and start listening to him talking about everyday topics. God, I swear I just heard him say "salamat po" (thank you very much). I shake my head. I am hearing things! A few days later:

Cube-neighbor: ...mumble mumble...I'm almost done... mumble mumble ...I'm going by mumble.. LUMPIA WRAPPERS ...mumble mumble ...see you soon...

I jerk upright in my chair and start listening to the cube wall. I JUST KNOW THAT GUY SAID LUMPIA WRAPPERS!! Why would he randomly say "lumpia wrappers"? Now I'm sitting listening to his southern drawl as he talks about his day. Nope, he's not talking about lumpia wrappers. My other cube neighbor, Ranjit, is now staring at me and I pretend that I'm looking behind my monitor rather than putting my ear to the cube wall. I am starting to LOSE it! I need to go home soon. A week later:

Cube-neighbor: ...mumble MUMBLE mumble... mumble AY NAKU!

I jump to my feet, facing the wall. Now I'm pissed!

Me: DID YOU JUST SAY "AY NAKU" ???
Cube-neighbor: ... what?
Me: Did .. YOU .. just .. say, "AY NAKU" !?!??!
Cube-neighbor: yes?
Me: And did you say LUMPIA WRAPPERS the other day???
Cube-neighbor: yes ma'am
Me: Why on EARTH are you saying "Ay naku!" and lumpia wrappers?!
Cube-neighbor: oh. my wife is filipino and her whole family is in town for the holidays.

As I collapse on my desk sobbing from relief that no, in fact, I have not lost my mind. By the way, what IS the exact translation for "ay naku"? Does anyone know? Now if I were in SF, I could just walk upstairs and ask Conrado! I miss home.

posted by Sandra at 10:12 PM
------------------------------------------------

Saturday, January 18, 2003

"Grandbirdies"
All I can say is thank god for my parents! They were kind enough to watch my two birds while I'm here in Jacksonville. Since I would be away so long, my company arranged it so I had a stop-over in Newark and I could drop the birds off with them. At the time I thought I would only be here for a month, not TWO months. So I'm glad that my parents took the birds. They are not really bird people. They care for my lovebird, Oni, but he is just a little bird and more like a parakeet. More like a pet. They have never really cared for Tomi, by themselves for any length of time. Tomi, an African Grey parrot, with the intelligence of a 5-year old and the emotional level of a 2-year old. Tomi is like any 2-year old who enjoys throwing his food on the floor, having temper tantrums and biting you when angry. And, like any 2-year old has an instinctual understanding of what "grandparents" are and just how to work them. My parents, the sweetest, most loving people ever, were, from the start, absolutely NO match for a little 1/2 lb. gray parrot. They never saw it coming.

(my weekly phone conversation with my mom to hear about the latest, funniest thing that her "grandbirdies" have done.)
Me: So is Tomi behaving? He hasn't bitten you, has he?
Mom: well I think he is comfortable now because he is starting to be naughty!
Me: oh no. What is he doing now?
Mom: Tomi jumps off his playpen and runs aaaaallll over the house and chases the cats. And then he walks in the kitchen and tries to eat our new kitchen cupboards!
Me: Oh no! Don't let him do that! You put him in his cage for a "time out" when he does that.
Mom: oh yes, I remember what you say. So I pick him up and put him in the cage and say he is a bad bird for chasing the cats and trying to eat the kitchen cupboards.
Me: OK well, I don't think he really understands that but yes, you should put him in his cage and he's not allowed out if he is going to be bad. He didn't try bite you when you put him away, did he?
Mom: Oh no, I put him in and then he hung on the front and said, "Tomi's a GOOOOOOD BOY!!" so I let him back out.
Me: You let him back out?!? MOM!! That is not disciplining him! Why did you let him back out again???
Mom: Well he said he is a good boy so I let him out.
Me: And you believed him?!?! HE'S A PARROT!! He LIES!!
Mom: ohhhhhh.

That bird is going to be unbearable by the time I get him back.

posted by Sandra at 7:32 PM
------------------------------------------------

For the love of god, make it stop!!!
Could my misery BE any greater on this business trip?? yes, it can. The State "Cheer & Dance" Championships are being held in Jacksonville this year, THIS weekend. And they are all staying here at the hotel!!! There are hundreds of screaming, squealing, jumping teenage girls and boys in the hotel's atrium and running around in the halls. Since all the rooms surround a big open atrium, the sound is reverberating everywhere. GEESH! It's like one big N'Sync concert!! I'm staying in my room and putting on headphones!
posted by Sandra at 6:22 PM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, January 17, 2003

gambling + ocean + karaoke + alcohol + boat = ok, so I don't know what that equals but I'm still trying to recover from the trauma
So, I took a couple days off from work last week. I figured I should do something other than hide in the hotel and be ridiculed at grocery stores. For some reason, I thought going on a gambling cruise would be fun. I read there were a couple in the area so I was willing to see what this was about. I heard you take a shuttle out to international waters where the casino boat is, float around on the ocean for awhile, have some dinner, play some slots, come back. A boat ride on a sunny day would be relaxing. I decide to go on the day cruise from 11am to 4pm and made a reservation. I was ALL set to go gamble with purple-haired retirees, drinking whiskey, smoking cigarettes, and playing nickel slots all day!! WOO HOO!

Gambling Cruise attempt #1
As people who know me already know, I have a little problem with driving directions. Doesn't really bother me but I'm always guaranteed to take the "scenic route." First mistake: write down directions from the website. Start driving along I-95 North. Don't see the exit anywhere (they had the wrong name of the exit on the site). Keep driving. Call the cruise office. The woman on the phone is new to Florida. She has no idea if I've passed the exit or not. But, she is nice enough to tell me that if I don't make the cruise, she'll change my reservation for the Evening Cruise. Keep driving. Call the office again. I ask if I need to turn around. She doesn't know. She's new to Florida. I see a sign. "WELCOME TO GEORGIA!!" Oh yeah. I think I'll be on the evening cruise. Hey I got to see Georgia though!

Gambling Cruise attempt #2
Ok, so this time I get the correct exit name and the correct directions. I make it to the evening cruise. We all board the shuttle boat and after awhile I realize, it's not a shuttle TO the casino boat. it IS the casino boat. It wasn't very big. I have to say I had a good time, though I opted not have "dinner" as it was a scary buffet that consisted of sloppy joes and something that looked suspiciously like wilty brown spinach but was called "Oriental Stir Fry." I still don't know what "oriental," "stir" or "fry" had to do with it. My conclusions on the cruise.

The best thing about the cruise: seeing dolphins swimming next to the boat

The worst thing about the cruise: the guy singing karaoke that sound like a mix between a barking sealion and a howling dog.

The funniest thing about the cruise: overhearing random bit of conversation. This was my favorite. "I have a buddy who was stationed over in Af-GAAAAAN-istan. And you know what he told me? Y'all know why the Russians lost? It's 'cause they didn't wash their hands! And that's the truth!" Wow, you learn something new everyday!

posted by Sandra at 10:20 PM
------------------------------------------------

Sunday, January 12, 2003

Paper or plastic?
It seems that I am unable to go anywhere around here without causing some kind of scene. Perhaps if I were in downtown Jacksonville I would be ok but I am south of the city in a area filled with nothing but business parks. Even something as inocuous as grocery shopping has made me painfully aware that I am definitely NOT from the South.

Grocery store #1
Cashier: Paper or plastic?
Me: Paper AND plastic please.
Cashier: ... Well?
Me: Well what?
Cashier: What things do you want in plastic bags and what things do you want in paper bags??
Me: Ummm no, I'd like a paper bag IN a plastic bag?
Bagger: Oh wow!! Earlier today we had someone that wanted the same thing! You from up North?
Cashier: Yeah, Northerners like their groceries bagged that way!
Me: (not beliving I'm having a conversation about bagging) I'm from California.
Bagger: I guess y'all are a little different out there. Pretty much everyone wants the same thing here but every once in awhile you get someone who wants something different. But I mean, different is good...
Me: Right. Must be nice to see some alternative bagging preferences? *I have GOT to get out of here!*

Grocery store #2
Cashier: Paper or plastic?
Me: Paper AND plastic please.
Cashier: *stares at me, rolls her eyes, and lets out a dramatic sigh* Paper AND plastic??
Me: Umm yes..
Cashier: *proceeds to stuff the groceries into a million plastic bags and throws them into a paper bag* Here you go.
Me: Great, thank you. Perfect.

posted by Sandra at 8:59 PM
------------------------------------------------

Saturday, January 11, 2003

Food lions and freezer queens
I have to say that my favorite thing is to see the different store/product names here. My favorite grocery store so far is the Food Lion. As Conrado says, "I keep envisioning an African savannah with a lion passing out food to all the animals." So, I decided I just HAD to shop at the Food Lion store. While, looking for a frozen dinner, I saw a box with the words "Freezer Queen" on it. Being from San Francisco, "freezer queen" just doesn't make me think "tv dinner". *I* think a guy who cruises for other guys in the frozen food aisle maybe? Well this just made me laugh so hard that people started looking at me. I realize just how ridiculous this must have looked which made me laugh even harder. Now about 4 people are looking at me: "Look at that chinese girl over there holding a tv dinner and laughing. Now that's not something you see everyday."

posted by Sandra at 2:58 PM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, January 10, 2003

Everything I didn't really need to know, I learned in...
.. the South?
On my 3rd day here in Jacksonville. My rockin' boss (who had accompanied me out here for a few days for professional and moral support) and I were standing outside the office, exhausted and jetlagged, wondering if there was ANY way to get a cab to come pick us up from somewhere in the middle of a huge business park. She calls for a cab only to be told that the street the office is on, doesn't exist. That does not bode well. However, the dispatcher says she will try to send someone out there to find us. My boss describes what we are wearing, what we look like and gives our names. No cab shows up and now we are late picking up my rental car. She calls Hertz and they say they will send someone out to get us. Again we have no idea where we are and the Hertz people have never heard of the street we are on. Hearing our "directions" problems a large, imposing yet jovial office worker walks up and proceeds to tell the people on the phone how to get to the office. We are EXTREMELY grateful. As we are thanking him, we see a cab pull into the parking lot.

my boss (who is possibly the sweetest person ever): oh no!! there's the cab!! What should we do?
me: we can just tell them that Hertz is going to pick us up instead. Hopefully they won't be too mad.
my boss: oh I feel really bad now! Considering they actually found the place.
large, imposing office guy: Just pretend the cab isn't for you.
my boss: Yeah but I gave them a description of what we look like... I can't do that.
large, Imposing office guy: Oh I'll do it. Watch.
cab driver: Ummm I'm here to pick up Sandra and ...
Large, imposing office guy: Nope sorry they're not here
  (boss and I are trying desperately to hide behind large, imposing office guy and trying to look like we didn't just call for a cab)
cab driver: *checking a piece of paper and looking at us* ...well I'm supposed to pick up two women here? to take them to Hertz?
Large, imposing office guy: *swaggering up to the cab and towering over it* Oh them!! *giving the driver an intense stare* They just went off in another cab. I just saw them go. Yup, they left.
cab driver: *looks at us, looks a large imposing office guy* umm ok. thanks.
  (you can just see the driver thinking "How many Japanese women with lip piercings could there be in Jacksonville, Florida? Probably tons! cab drives off)
Large, imposing office guy: See? What did I tell you? Easy!

I think my boss was mortified. I, personally, was almost doubled over laughing. Then again it may have been the lack of sleep. After this bit of Southern chivalry we decided the least we owed him was a bit of polite conversation while we waited for Hertz. Somehow, the topic of me working for the bank for the next month, logically led to how he was in Vietnam as a sniper and had 38 confirmed kills. Also how he brought a wife back with him from the Phillippines but whom he caught cheating on him which of course led to her trying to stab HIM to death in his sleep. As he described it, "Well you remember Lorena Bobbitt? Same thing but long before that ever happened." My boss was smiling and nodding her head with polite interest. I, on the other hand, was doing everything I could to not start snorting and disolving into a fit of hysterics. After large, jovial office guy walked away, my boss turned to me and said, "That man did NOT just tell us his his wife stabbed him in the dick, did he??!!!" All I could think was "This is going to be one very interesting business trip."

posted by Sandra at 11:08 AM
------------------------------------------------

Thursday, January 09, 2003

You know it's going to be a bad day when...
I get into office this morning, sleepily start setting up the TWO work laptops that I have to lug around with me. I start setting up the laptops like I do everyday. The IBM ThinkPad has a two-piece power cord. I go to plug cord #1 into the AC adapter box. It doesn't fit. Baffled I keep trying. Nope doesn't fit. After turning the plug around several hundred times (because eventually I'm convinced it will fit), I take a good look at the cord. I figure out what's wrong. It's not my laptop cord! I grabbed my PS2 power cord instead! Great, now I have to find another cord. I turn to my next door cube neighboor (I'm in "Office Space" hell btw), one of the only engineers at Bank B AND who doesn't find me terribly amusing in any way.

Me: Hey Ranjit? Do you need to use your laptop today?
Ranjit: No...
Me: Could I borrow your power cord just for today? just the part that plugs into the wall.
Ranjit: *eyeing the black cord on my desk* What is that? Isn't that it?
Me: Ummm no. No, that's the cord to my Playstation...
Ranjit hands over his power cord looking extremely dubious about the person that Bank A has sent all the way from San Francisco to do this project.

posted by Sandra at 12:03 AM
------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

The WIldlife
---------------------------------------------------
me: oh look there's a pond by the office. It's so pretty.
co-worker: Don't go near the pond.
me: why?
co-worker: There's an alligator in it.
me: HA HA! oh very funny!
other co-worker walks up: It's true. There's an alligator. On nice days it comes out to sun itself.
me: * note to self - don't go near the pond. *
---------------------------------------------------
one evening I decide to step out onto my balcony to enjoy the moonlit view of the parking lot and dumpster. No sooner had I stepped out there, a large dark shape swoops right past me! Of course I shriek almost tripping over the chair that is out there and giving myself a heart attack. As I watch it fly past I realize it's an owl! I decide to retire to the safety of my room.
---------------------------------------------------
I decide to venture out on the balcony again - during the day this time! Figure it'll be safer. It's a beautiful sunny day and the parking lot and dumpster look even more charming in the light. I'm standing there enjoying the view and the lovely bog smell when out of the corner of my eye I see a big dark shape scuttling across the balcony - IT'S A HUGE BUG...I think...! I leap to the other side of the balcony - making sure NOT to trip over the chair or scream like a little girl. As the large THING hides behind a railing, I realize I will have to walk by it to get back into the room. Then, I notice its long pointy backend peaking out from behind the railing, that can't be a bug! So I gather up my courage and take a closer look. At that moment it leaps out in front of me - it's a LIZARD for christs sake! Fearing it will run into the room, I jump over it and make it bad into the room. Though I have to admit it was a rather cute lizard, I really didn't want it IN my room with me.
---------------------------------------------------
Standing outside with some co-workers, a giant dark shape flies overhead. I instinctively cover my head and run.

co-worker: it's just an egret you know.
me: An EGRET?? Don't you people have any normal animals?!? Where are the pigeons and rats!!
co-worker: he he he you covered your head.
me: I have parrots, give me a break. You never know when one is going to fly at your face, it's a reflex. (yeah, like he's really going to believe THAT! it's true though.)
---------------------------------------------------

Conclusion: going outside to enjoy the beautiful Florida weather is not proving to be as relaxing as I was hoping it would be.

posted by Sandra at 11:00 PM
------------------------------------------------

Sunday, January 05, 2003

I'm back! .. but in exile

OK, so I took a HUGE break from blogging. Had more important things to deal with - like a contract! yea! It's definitely nice to be working again. However, said contract took a turn for the strange and unusual and I figure what a perfect time to start blogging again! I started working for a company a few months ago - a company I have wanted to work for since I first started doing web development 7 years ago. I had a couple opportunities to work with them in the past but it always seemed the timing was off. I figure the 3rd times the charm and it was! All I can say, it's been the "dream job" up unitl a month ago - when it turned into "twilight zone job." Here's what happened (abridged version):

November
1. Sandra's happily working on a project for Bank A (big bank in the East Bay)
2. Bank A buys Bank B
3. Bank B need to re-brand
4. Sandra will link up her project with Bank B's re-design.


A very simple procedure - or so you would think.


Mid-November
5. Sandra's almost finished with her part of the project and is waiting for Bank B to integrate the new design
6. ** big conference call happens **
7. "Umm Sandra? Bank B's engineer says it will take 15 weeks to change the design. Bank A wants to pull the plug."
8. "Oh HELL NO! I'm almost done! 15 weeks to put a new design on 45 pages??"
9. "Bank B doesn't have the resources"
10. "Well, WE can do it! I'll do it! I have some time. It should only take like 3 weeks."
11. "You'd have to work 'on-site' though..."
12. "That's fine. I can work 'on-site', I don't mind. Tell Bank A & B we'll cover the integration."
13. "It's in Florida"
14. .... (note to self - find out WHERE a project is FIRST before saying you'll go!!)


Early December
15-28. HOLY MOLY!! I'M IN JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA!! What was I thinking?!??!

Yes, so yours trulyl is now in the deep South. I was scheduled to be down here until the beginning of January. It's now looking like I'll be back at the beginning of February. A two-month business trip! Oh the stories I have to tell! The short of it though.. a little "oriental delight", fag-less fag hag with a lip ring from San Francisco just has NO place being in the deep South.

posted by Sandra at 1:46 PM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, August 09, 2002

You know you play too much Diablo when...
Me: I had a terrible dream last night! I dreamt my parrot died.
Conrado: I had a terrible dream too! I dreamt that I was an amazon and was being chased by huge lizards!!
Me: ...
Conrado: ...perhaps I've been playing too much Diablo.
posted by Sandra at 4:47 PM
------------------------------------------------

Inspiration through perspiration (aka Could it BE any hotter?!)
OK I have been flushed out by the heat. I think I forgot that I had a blog. However, there just wasn't much to write about. Or maybe it was more like I haven't felt like writing anything down. So now that it's 93 degree in San Francisco and I'm sitting here in a small convection oven otherwise known as my studio, I figure I may as well post to keep my mind off of just how hot it is in here!! It also doesn't help living above the laundry room. I need to keep my window open so that I don't end up with 2 roasted parrots and one roasted Sandra. I realize that people need to do laundry and all but hot dryer air blasting thru my window is just not helping matters. However, I do have a great fan going and Conrado was kind enough to give me a cup of ice. So let me think what new and interesting things have transpired lately...

1. Two crackheads were evicted from my building. One of them kept coming back though and sitting in the hallway thinking she still lived here. That was problematic.
2. A guy on the second floor died in his apartment on Wed. They said he had been dead for a few days. That is just creepy.
3. My parrot is currently trying to mate with a small metal ball. That's pretty creepy too.
4. James has decided to move to a small town in North Carolina. That is just disturbing.
5. Conrado keeps getting late-night Pho cravings. That is just odd.

posted by Sandra at 4:25 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Identity crisis
Last night, Conrado and I decided to pop into N'Touch for old times sake. I had not been there in years. I knew we were in trouble when we both got carded the second we sat down.

Bartender: You both look like you are 17. I need to see some ID's.
Conrado: We're being carded?!? We LOVE you!! *hands over ID*
Bartender: You can't be more than 25. I'll be really embarrassed if I'm way off on this one. OK, well I wasn't TOO far off.
Me: I can't believe I'm being carded! *hands over ID*
Bartender: Ummm this isn't you. I know who you are! You're Margaret Cho!
Conrado: Oh my god! you are the BEST!
*bartender proceeds to call me "Margaret" all night*

Although I adore Margaret Cho, I just don't think I look like her. However, people seem to mistake me for her quite often. It's very strange. Then again, people keep saying that James looks like Michael Stipe. I don't think he looks anything like him. I'm just waiting to see pictures of us on some tabloid with the headline, "MICHAEL STIPE AND MARGARET CHO SEEN BUYING COMPUTER GAMES TOGETHER AT EBX!!"
posted by Sandra at 1:28 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Walk like a man...
I don't think Conrado has ever fully recovered from the Chevy's dinner conversation where his "manliness" was called into question. This past weekend Aleesha, Conrado, James, and I were taking a walk.

Me: (to Conrado) Did you know your sister told me the other day that you not only look like a little boy but you WALK like a little boy too.
Conrado: She said WHAT?! What does that mean??
Me: I don't know. That you walk like a young boy and not like a "man"?
Conrado: Oh now my walk isn't "manly" enough? I walk just like James! Here watch.
(Conrado speeds up so that he is walking behind James)
Conrado: See!! I walk just like he does!
Aleesha: Well... not really. James kinda has this slight "straight guy" bounce to his step...
Conrado: I'm walking just like him! I have a manly walk!
Aleesha: (to me) Actually he DOES walk a lot like Michael.
Me: Who's Michael?
Aleesha: My friends' 8-year old son.
Conrado: What did she say?!
Me: Nothing. Nothing at all.

posted by Sandra at 3:43 PM
------------------------------------------------

Several hundred braids + hot weather = misery
Talk about bad timing. This really should have been a hair style for the winter. Of course I get long microbraids and then we get a heat wave. I was out walking around in the sun yesterday and realized it felt like I was wearing a sheepdog on my head. ... not that I have ever put a sheepdog on my head but I think I have a good idea of what it might be like.
posted by Sandra at 1:03 PM
------------------------------------------------

Monday, June 10, 2002

The never-ending hair appointment
OK, so I just had my hair done last week. It took TWO days! Actual time working on my hair? About 22 hours! I'm pretty sure this is what purgatory would be like - stuck sitting in a salon chair for 22 hours. My butt didn't just fall asleep, it was in a full-blown coma after the first 12 hours. I got microbraids done and my hair is about a foot longer than in those pictures. I almost started sobbing when I saw how small my friend had done the braids. I figured since we were going for more length, she would make the braids bigger but NOOOOoooooo... She is insane. The salon I go to is in a rather dubious part of town and is, to say the least, rather "ghetto." I think they find it amusing to see a little Japanese girl getting microbraids. So for two days I was forced to watch more day-time talk shows and court TV shows than I have ever seen in my life. It was also two days spent hearing lots of "DANG!" and "oh-KAY! She a HO!" My friend, Marlyse, who was born and raised in Cameroon, got her law degree in Paris, and doesn't speak English very well would chime in every so often with a "I seenk dat 'ooman eez a prousteetute, no?" The women who work at the salon all know me as I've been going there for years. Of course everyone had to give a running commentary on my hair for the two days I was there. The general consensus seemed to be "Girl, you crazy! Your hair gonna be all kinds of messed up!" I'll try to post pictures of it so you can see my "messed up" hair. :-)
posted by Sandra at 2:03 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, June 04, 2002

Realizing the ridiculousness of an everyday situation.
A friend came over the other day to do some design work. Basically, he just wanted my DSL. He showed me his big iBook and I just gave it up like a trick from Craig's List M4M. I was making phone calls going through my to-do list for the day. I had to call a store to inquire about a late order shipment. I realized just how bizarre this conversation must have sounded to him.

Me: I did not get my order today. Where is my hair??
Woman: Oops, we sent it to the wrong address!
Me: My hair is at a different address?! Where did my hair go?
Woman: Sorry, we're fixing the situation right now. You'll get it tomorrow at the correct address.
Me: Thank you so much!
-
Me: That must have sounded very odd.
Conrado: hehehe. Yeah. All I heard was "Where's my hair?? You sent my hair to someone else?!" It's not really YOUR hair you know.
Me: Well that isn't really the point! Someone ELSE has MY hair!! er well someone else's hair!…hmm
Conrado: Well now, I guess there are two people without hair then - the person it originally belonged to and you.
Me: …

Explanation: I like having long hair. I am too lazy to grow my hair out. I have a friend from Cameroon who does extensions/braids/weaves. I cheat and buy my long hair.

posted by Sandra at 1:05 AM
------------------------------------------------

Monday, June 03, 2002

A public service announcement.
You know, one of the blogs I enjoy and read regularly is East Coast/West Coast. I think these guys are great but recently I discovered something very alarming about about one of them, Philo. I mean I know that kids want to fit in and be cool. I know they want to be hip and trendy. I don't think they realize that they can ruin not only their lives but other's lives as well. Philo says it's just a little recreational blogwhoring but it can have greater consequencess than he thinks.

Philo: "I helped murder families in Colombia. Hey, it was just a little harmless fun. I helped blow up buildings and websites. All the kids do it. I helped put a wegame host in a psychiatric ward. It's not like I was hurting anybody else."


BLOGWHORING
SUPPORTS TERROR.
IF YOU BLOGWHORE
YOU MIGHT TOO.
blogwhore-thewebgame.com
posted by Sandra at 11:48 PM
------------------------------------------------

A walk down Polk Street
I was walking down Polk Street this weekend to go get a coffee with a friend. Polk is such an odd place with its large assortment of trannies and boy-hookers. You actually get used to being solicited for money and other interesting things. When that doesn't happen you feel unloved and insecure. ;-) Anyway, we were talking about how sad some of these young kids are. I feel bad for them. We passed one, looking all strung out and pathetic, muttering to himself. You could tell he used to be beautiful and full of life at some point. He saw us and begged, "Hey, you wanna date? I just need an internet connection, just for a few minutes! You have a computer?? I have stuff to post you know… I haven't posted in over a week! Just…one…quick…post…PLEASE!!!" He began sobbing. We hurried away embarrassed, avoiding eye contact. I was like, "Oh my god, I know him! That's Todd. That's what happens to washed up blogwhores. It's so sad. Turning tricks just for a quick blog…" My friend and I continued on to enjoy our internet-free day and a LOT of mochas.
posted by Sandra at 3:25 PM
------------------------------------------------

Saturday, June 01, 2002

Adobo, pancit, and Todd is almost killed by a chair
Can I tell you how much I love Conrado's family? His mother brought over some home cooked Philippino food, enough to feed a small army! Had been chatting with Todd earlier who said he was going to run to the store. Strangely enough, he suddenly appeared at Conrado's apartment. Got locked out of his place I guess. At least he got there in time to meet all of Conrado's family and to enjoy the feast. I forgot to tell Todd that the chair he was sitting on was broken. This same chair fell apart on Conrado the other night as I got an IM from him, "AHHHHHHH! YOUR CHAIR ALMOST KILLED ME!" What's interesting is that the same chair almost killed Geno awhile back. I guess after 3 unsuccessful assassination attempts on my friends, the chair just gave up in utter frustration and splintered apart while Todd was sitting on it. Todd didn't die though. Just gasped and jumped up. No one really said anything but did offer him another chair. They were probably all thinking, "Wow, that big gay white guy just broke the chair." ;-)

posted by Sandra at 6:01 PM
------------------------------------------------

My thoughts on being in a webgame.
So an explanation to those friends that knew I was in a webgame. Here is why I left. I know I never actually explained to a lot of you why I did. I was actually having a great time with it. It was a blast and if you could keep yourself at a slight distance, it was fascinating. I was hoping that everyone in the game had a basic understanding of the following:

1. To create a successful game that would be entertaining for the PUBLIC. A successful game, to me, means something that will keep people's interest. If people get excited enough or passionate enough to post and follow the game, that is a good thing.
2. Put ego and selfish motives aside to provide said entertainment. I have no problems humiliating myself.
3. Have enough self-confidence to realize that this is not real life and what happens in the game does not change or reflect on who you are as a person. It doesn't matter what other people think. You will always continue to be who you are.
4. Do what you are comfortable doing in the game. Allow others to do the same. If you feel you are really compromising something of yourself, then get out. It IS a voluntary game.

I believed whole-heartedly in these things. I also knew there were no "rules" per se. I wrote what I was comfortable writing. I watched to see what people found entertaining. I was ok with spicing up the game and was willing to take the heat for it. If people found it entertaining so be it. If not, I'd be eliminated. However, I realized early on that not everyone believes this game is for the public nor do they want to make the game successful. So the way I saw things? in complete honesty? One woman contestant decided that the game should be played by her rules, bottom line, and had temper tantrums when people didn't do what SHE wanted. This in itself would be ok and could be ignored, and the game should be able to continue. However, based on one Peanut Gallery member's post, it looked like there was an idle threat to leave the game, don't know. My gut feeling was that this person was applying pressure outside of the game because it wasn't going how she wanted. That didn't seem very fair considering everyone else had to fend for themselves. What has become obvious is that she wants the game to be all about happy, dreamy emotions. Talking about that is as much contrived as is people fighting in a game. Actually I'm not even sure that is what it's really about. What it looks like, after following the game, is that some people basically wanted to use the game and its large audience as nothing more than an extension of their own personal blogs. If you take it all seriously then you'd be getting even more external validation and reassurance. If people react negatively then suddenly your self-worth will be in question. I honestly didn't believe that the game was created so that I could get some free therapy and be made to feel like I was a better person because of it. That's pretty selfish to think that someone else's public game should be for that purpose and the motives dubious, to say the least, to try and MAKE it that way.

Does backpatting and coddling make for an exciting and riveting webgame? I'm not sure. For me personally, 3 posts a day for 9 weeks of "You are loved! You are fabulous! You are the best! Post more so we can tell you how great you are!" just doesn't seem like it would hold people's interest for very long. I could be completely wrong about this though.

Even the Peanut Gallery (a select group of people chosen to conduct an on-going commentary about the game) has decided it's ok to make the game all about ensuring this person doesn't get upset. OK, except for one guy who just continues to give his opinions on everyone, no matter what. I have to respect him for that. I never took it personally. I was in the game to make it fun. The Peanut Gallery was there to comment on the game and I thought it was great that they could say what they felt. If people didn't enjoy my posts, that was completely ok! I would just be voted off. I mean the public was supposed to control the game. That is how it was set up. When the game changed to accommodate this one person, I was left not knowing what to do. There was no definition given between "snark" (which I've gathered is considered amusing and entertaining. Guess that is what the kids are calling it now) and "crossing-the-line" meanness (which is NOT acceptable and grounds for being drawn and quartered).

This is how I interpret it. "Snark" is something you unload on someone else and is funny. "Crossing-the-line" meanness is when you are on the receiving end and you decide to take it seriously. :-) At least this is how I view the difference between a major problem and a minor problem. It's all about perspective. Always seems worse when it's happening to you. The solution when in a public webgame? Realize it doesn't matter. Nothing that happens in the game is serious. Having someone you love dearly die? Now THAT is serious. Having someone who doesn't know you say something mean about you to other people who don't know you? Well, that is not a major catastrophe in my life. Anyway, I didn't feel comfortable not knowing when contestants would take things personally and freak out – when they would think the game was about them personally and not about providing a diversion for others to enjoy and be entertained by. I signed up to play a game for the amusement of others. I did not sign up so that one contestant could make the game into what she wanted it to be. Geesh I wish I could have done that. If I had my way, I would have made everyone talk about parrots everyday!! :-) But, that would not have been very interesting and no one would have followed the game. It wasn't about what I wanted anyway. So given the situation and not being able to write what I wanted to write, I just decided to leave the game. I really did not want to be in some support group. I had some ideas of how the game might play out but I was totally not expecting THIS. I had a lot of funny things I was going to bring into the game but sadly they would not have gone over well since people were taking it all so seriously. :-( I had a good time though and met some really great people. There are some really funny, witty people involved that understand the spirit of making a public game entertaining. I have great admiration for them, putting themselves out there to brave the textual slings and arrows.

posted by Sandra at 5:58 PM
------------------------------------------------

Thursday, May 30, 2002

Mean things I do to friends and forget about
About 8 years ago, I did a really mean thing to my friend Catriona, who I worked with at the time. In a fit of boredom, I went on the web and signed her up for a Michael Jackson Fan Club. I figured she would get the "welcome email" and, knowing it was me, come over and beat me senseless. The next day at work, much to my amusement, Cat was hopping mad. She was like, "I am SO upset!! I found out that I fit the same demographic as Michael Jackson fans!! I just received an email from a Michael Jackson Fan Club!!" Well, this was far more amusing than anything I could have expected so I just acted indignant for her and we tried to figure out what she had in common with others that like Michael Jackson. Then I forgot about the whole thing. Last week Cat and I were discussing spam.

Me: You know you'd think there would be SOME targeting going on with spam.
Cat: No kidding. It's ridiculous.
Me: I mean, really. I get emails to enlarge my breasts AND my penis.
Cat: Well what about ME?!?! I get Michael Jackson Fan Club emails!!!
Me: Oh, that was me. I signed you up for that.
Cat: WHAT!??! *much slapping and pummeling ensues*
Me: I guess I forgot to tell you.
Cat: YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!!! For 7 years now I've been tormented by how I could have anything in common with some effeminate, pedophilic, pop star!!
Me: Well, no, you're a better person for it. Just think, you have spent the last 7 years trying to change who you are so as not to have anything in common with Michael Jackson fans.
Cat: Oh bloody 'ell. My whole motivation for living is gone now.

posted by Sandra at 1:00 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

No longer a virgin
I can proudly say that as of today I am no longer an IKEA-virgin!! Conrado did the honors. He was so gentle and sensitive (taking me there in the middle of the week, in the afternoon). I was not prepared for the mind-boggling terror immensity that was IKEA. I quickly learned to avoid being run down by large pregnant women and chortling gay couples in their single-minded intensity to throw as many wall sconces and modular shelving into their carts as possible. I walked away having reveled in the disparate images of hundreds of votive candles, swedish meatballs, brightly colored loveseats, and perfectly coordinated room designs. You know what was the best part? It kinda reminded me of a Disney World ride or a World's Fair exhibit. The showroom floor was like a little race track with open, completely furnished "rooms" to show you what everything would look like in a real life setting. I could just picture us standing on a moving walk-way with an audio track blaring, "...and on your right is the kitchen-of-the-23rd-Century, complete with a hydroponic herb garden. Kitchens of the future will be nuclear powered eliminating the need of such antiquated things as gas stoves ..." IKEA is a very strange place.
posted by Sandra at 7:01 PM
------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May 26, 2002

Won't you be ... my neighbor?
I've been living in the same building for so long now that I sometimes forget just how strange this apartment complex is. Starting over 3 years ago, there has always been a friend of mine living upstairs. First Geno, then Geno and Todd. Now that they have both moved out, I find it rather reassuring that I will not be without a gay male friend upstairs since Conrado will be taking their place. I didn't realize that being a Sr. Fag Hag meant actually having one of your boys living in the same building! I've been trying to prepare Conrado for some of the more interesting characters that live in this building.

1. Crazy Crack-Head Guy: he lives two doors down from me and lives directly below Conrado. He is insane. The other day he came upstairs to complain that Conrado and I were making too much noise (cleaning his new apt) at noon on a weekend. I found this funny because the night before, I heard some random person yelling outside on the street. I THEN heard Crack-Head Guy screaming out his window, "SHUT UP FUCK-FACE!! THAT IS NO WAY TO RESPECT THE FUCKING STREETS!!!" So just remember, WALKING on the street and yelling is disrespectful. However, as long as you are not actually standing ON the street and are just screaming out your window, it's ok.

2. Crazy Pot-Head Guy: he lives across the hall from Conrado. You can get high just from walking down the hallway due to the smoke billowing out from under his door. He looks like Jerry Garcia and glares at all the other tenants with angry suspicion. He has a car that is filled to the top with aluminum cans. Only the driver seat is open. I don't think he actually ever empties his car. Though sometimes I have seen some newspapers thrown in just to mix things up a bit. I think he is waiting to "redeem" his whole goddamn car so he can get a new one.

3. Crazy Old Philippino Guy: he lives at the end of my hall. He is about 120 years old. He always tries to speak to me in Tagalog. I tell him I don't speak Tagalog. He continues to speak to me in Tagalog, getting very angry about something that I obviously don't understand. Or, it could just be that he is telling me a VERY exciting story that requires yelling and scowling. He keeps trying to burn down our building. The last time, we saw smoke coming from his apartment. However, he wouldn't let anyone in his apt because he is afraid that we are all going to steal his piles of moldy boxes. They actually sent people out in Hazmat suits once to go into his apartment to clear out some stuff. I keep trying to go get Conrado to talk to him. I want to know what he is trying to tell me. However, when Conrado spoke to him in Tagalog, he just glared at him and ran away. I think it's because Conrado IS going to try to steal his moldy boxes.
posted by Sandra at 11:02 PM
------------------------------------------------

Comments and other stuff
hehehe having problems with the commenting system. I can't guarantee that it will stay up ... but that's ok, it happens to everyone, right? Or at least, so I've been told. ;-) Can't we just cuddle?

So to the friends of mine that knew that I was participating in a webgame, I recently left the game. (for those of you who did NOT know, did I say webgame? I deny all allegations of being in one!) I'll have to give you all the scoop on THAT whole deal later. It was fun and short-lived, in the way that a 3 week long dash over razor blades would be fun and short-lived. *wink* All I can say for now, is oh my GOD! Remind me never to be in a 20-something game again. sigh. Those silly kids! Just wanted to say thanks for the support. And thanks Todd, for riding this poor little race horse into the ground!
posted by Sandra at 10:39 PM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, May 24, 2002

Dinner at Chevy's
I'm quite convinced they put crack in their tortilla chips. Cat, Conrado and I went there for dinner. I sat across from the two of them in sheer awe of their complete inability to communicate to each other. It didn't bother them of course. They were happily "conversing"!

Conversation #1
Conrado: ... he's really cute and tall. Oh and straight! You'd like him!
Cat: oh really? What's he like?
Conrado: He's totally abusive. You'd find him attractive!
Score: Conrado = 1, Cat = 0

Conversation #2
Conrado: Can you believe that this woman said I should do drag?! She'd think I'd make a good WOMAN!!
Cat: What is she talking about?? You'd need to be way more masculine to be a convincing woman.
Conrado: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! (voice rising to a shriek that could shatter glass)
Score: Conrado = 1, Cat = 1

Cat Tries To Mollify Conrado
Cat: I'm just saying that you could not pass as a real woman is all. You'd have to act more "manly" to be seen as a REAL woman...
Conrado: Are you saying I'm not manly?!? Fine I'll just walk around carrying a basketball! And saying, "Hey dude, I just got back from playing a few hoops..."
Cat: See what I mean?!?! It's "shoot some hoops" not "playing a few hoops"!!
Conrado: Oh yeah?!? Here, let me show you my penis!!
Me: CHECK PLEASE!

I have to admit I'm STILL not sure what 90% of their dinner conversation was about but they spent a lot of time laughing and squealing so they must have understood what THEY were talking about.

posted by Sandra at 5:44 PM
------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May 12, 2002

Pink Pomeranias
Before Conrado and I got locked in Macy's, we were walking to Union Square when we saw, from across the street, a woman walking her three dogs. She was waiting at the corner and one of her Pomeranians was rubbing his head and face on the sidewalk. She was trying to pull on his leash to stop him. As we crossed the street, we could see what the dog was doing. His owner could not. Said fluffy dog was rubbing his face in a big PINK sidewalk chalk drawing. The dog looked up and it was completely pink! Conrado pointed and doubled over in laughter. I couldn't even talk I was laughing so hard. The woman, confused, tried to get her dog's attention. When the dog looked up she was like, "OH MY GOD! Look what you've done now! You're all pink." I helpfully tried to point out that at least now the dog was the same color as his pink leash.

posted by Sandra at 6:37 PM
------------------------------------------------

Thursday, May 09, 2002

A really bad computer day
Oh boy, the hard drive in my mac died yesterday. Died as in completely fubar'd. And here I was just trying to figure out how to back up all my data. So today was spent getting a new hard drive so I could swap out the bad one and HOPE that I can find a place to do some data recovery on it. I was so upset (still am but am trying not to think about what if I've lost everything) and it was one of those moments where I just wanted to fling myself out my apartment window. I decided against this as a possible solution seeing as I'm only like 8 feet up from the street, I would have looked pretty dumb flopping down onto the sidewalk in my pj's. Conrado was a real trooper as he tried to keep my spirits up and accompanied back and forth to and from the computer store. After dinner we went to Macy's, had a coffee at their "cafe," and just chatted. Much to our horror we discovered that Macy's had closed and we had been locked in! Personally the thought of being locked in Macy's was more terrifying than losing my hard drive... We ended up having to leave via the employee exit where everyone flashed their employee badges at the security guard. I just waved at him. He wasn't even looking.
posted by Sandra at 3:27 AM
------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May 05, 2002

A visit to a tea house. (no not THAT kind of tea house, you pervs!)
So in perfect gay man fashion, Geno had a birthday lunch at Lovejoy's tea house with a party comprised of gay men and women. It was a blast. Many little sandwiches were consumed and none with spiders thankfully. Many wonderful presents were given (with the obligatory funny b-day cards) and the biggest carrot cake you've ever seen. However, according to the candles on the cake, Geno was only 5 years old! Yeah, I guess that sounds about right. ;-) Excerpt from lunch conversation:

[not knowing if everyone at the table had been introduced or not, I thought I would make sure.]
Me: Hey, has everyone met already? Have you gentlemen been introduced to those ... *waving in the general direction of the crazy Scottish twins, Cat and Liza* ... things over there? GASP! I mean TWINS!! Those TWINS over there!!
Liza: *mouth drops open and give me a look that could melt glass*
Cat: *stops talking* What the bloody hell did she just say?!?
Me: NOTHING! Nothing at all! (quickly attempt to stuff little sandwiches in mouth around foot that is already there)

posted by Sandra at 10:57 PM
------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May 04, 2002

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GENO!!
Wow, 25 years old! And to think I met you when you first moved to the city... when you were just a wee babe of 17!! At least this year I gave you present that you will NEVER be able to throw away and will always have to wear proudly (and not just put on when I come over to visit). *evil chuckle*
posted by Sandra at 12:32 PM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, May 03, 2002

Luna Park
Well I went to check out Geno's new place last nite and dine at Geno's favorite restaurant in the Mission, Luna Park. It was amazing. Cool little bar too. I'm pretty sure we scared the couple sitting next to us (the tables are very close) as is usually the case, Geno could not stop himself from telling particularly gross and tasteless stories.
posted by Sandra at 2:26 PM
------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

WOO HOO! I'm 56% GAY!!
... but wait, I'm not gay. I took this test that I found on Todd's site and it says, "Congratulations! You've scored right in the middle and are a happy and well-adjusted hetero babe." ...but I'm still 56% gay? He is 60% gay....so does that mean I am just SLIGHTLY less gay than Todd?!?!? I don't know who should be more insulted, him or me!
posted by Sandra at 5:53 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, April 30, 2002

A homosexual migration
I am still in shock! No Geno and Todd as upstairs neighbors anymore?!? O the horror! It's true, the boys have moved out of my building and have found other fabulous places to live. Geno has lived upstairs for 3 years, it will be strange not to hear him screaming out his window to get my parrot to screech louder and then calling me to tell me "how loud the god damn parrot is." Todd has lived upstairs for about 6 months, it will be strange not to get the call, "IRON CHEF IS ON! IT'S THE LUNGFISH TESTICLE BATTLE!!! I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!!" Good times, good times. I'm happy for them, though. I could not have been easy to have two adults sharing a studio the size of a port-a-potty. Still, it just doesn't seem right not to have any gay men living near me. That just ain't right! The absolute irony of it all is that there may be a sudden and fascinating turn of events and Conrado, may end up taking that apartment! The gay status quo will be preserved! Personally, I'm SO looking forward to Conrado moving here. Can you say, "yummy yummy home-cooked Adobo!"??
posted by Sandra at 8:52 PM
------------------------------------------------

Sunday, April 28, 2002

Marathon des Sables: "If I can't have a relationship, I may as well be fast!"
This was Doug's humorous quote almost a year ago after a not so pleasant break-up. I was howling! It was then that he decided to sign up for the Marathon des Sables (a 150 mile footrace through the Sahara desert) and focus on training. When he said "fast" he wasn't joking! It was the first time he would be competing in a race of this magnitude. He not only finished the race but placed 23rd OVERALL!!! He was the 3rd American to cross the finish line! I was impressed and proud that Doug was even particpating in the MdS. Now, after seeing how incredibly well he did, I am in complete awe of him. He's a celebrity even! He is in the current issue of Sports Illustrated (for subscribers only). The article appears on the SI website and is supposed to be about the MdS in general. When I read it, I discovered the whole article is about Doug!!! Go read it! It is SO fabulous, over the top, dramatic and just all-around funny! Here are some of my favorite "Doug-quotes" with links to articles, pictures, etc.

"Believe it or not, the craziest part of trying to get yourself acclimated is the tanning," said Gallaher. "I may be the fairest, whitest person you have ever met. So the strategy now is deciding how fried you need to be before you get over there." - SF Gate

"I was crazed; I kept thinking, I ... must ... make ... goggles!" says Gallaher, who would finish the race in 23rd place. "Then the wind picked up and blew my whole project away." - Sports Illustrated

* Doug showing off his sexy knee! - Photobook by Sean

* Doug preparing for the race! - Photobook by Doug

* For some reason, this man is begging Doug to put tape on him... - Photobook by Stephen

I'm hoping to get Doug to either post some first hand account of the race here (he has some pretty hysterical stories) or set up a blog of his own. Feel free to send him an email to congratulate him on kicking ass in the MdS or just to say "hi." (PS. guess what boys, he's single and looking!)




posted by Sandra at 5:24 PM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, April 26, 2002

I don't know why I bother...
I don't know why I get so excited to "cat sit" Geno's cat, Mikasa. It's just an exercise in humiliation and frustration. I have known Mikasa from her kitten-hood but she remains steadfast in her hierarchy of "humans she likes." The order is as follows: loud gay men, quiet gay men, str8 men (loud or quiet), lesbians, and if no one else is available, str8 women. I remain at the absolute bottom. Geno will drop her off, she will look around a moment, acknowledge me with a polite meow and then run under the bed (or in the closet) to "hide." The only time I see her is when SHE decides it's time for bed. She will jump up on the bed and start yeowling at the top of her lungs to tell me it's time to go to sleep - she is probably saying, "If I could turn off the god damn light I would! Since I can't you have to do it!" I will get into bed, petting her (the only time she allows me to pet her) thinking that maybe just for tonite she will sleep with me. The second I turn off the light, she jumps off and goes back under the bed. *sigh* Now the interesting thing, is last time I watched her, Conrado came for a visit. The second she heard his voice she darted from under the bed, meowing the whole time and jumped into his lap. She rolled all over him acting as though I hadn't fed her in a month and had kept her locked in a drawer somewhere! He was like, "Wow, she is SO friendly!!" I was like, "Yeah, whatever."
posted by Sandra at 2:23 PM
------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, April 24, 2002

Whole Foods and paranoia
So I just got back from a trip to Whole Foods. You know, I've heard that the place is very "cruisy" though for the life of me I cannot imagine picking someone up at the grocery store. For me, I prefer to not be in the store any longer than ABSOLUTELY necessary! Go in, buy groceries, leave. So I find it rather unnerving when people feel this need to stand near you and look in your shopping cart. It makes me very suspicious that they are trying to garner some kind character evaluation based on the things you buy. I was not in the best of moods to begin with so all this "produce prying" just started to get on my nerves. 3 different men came to shop next to me, smiled, and peered into my cart. By the last guy, I had this irrational urge to scream, "YES, I'M BUYING A POTATO PEELER! THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T HAVE ONE! I'D PROBABLY HAVE ONE IF I HAD A BOYFRIEND BUT I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE EITHER! AND LOOK! THE CARROTS AREN'T EVEN ORGANIC!!" However, I decided they might just be curious about what other people buy and what was SO interesting in my cart that I was trying to hide it from them, so I just hurried off to finish my shopping.
posted by Sandra at 2:43 PM
------------------------------------------------

My theory on potato peelers and boyfriends
I suddenly realized today that I do not own a veggie peeler. This in itself is not a big deal as one could argue a paring knife works just as well.... unless you are me. After inadvertently ending up with diced carrots and almost amputating a finger I decided I needed to go get one. The big question I had for myself, was why didn't I have one to begin with? Isn't that something most people have in their apartments? I'm pretty sure I USED to own one. Then I realized - I don't cook! I have no need for anything more than a fork, knife and plate! While looking thru my utensil drawer I found the following: a potato masher, a brita filter (don't know why that is there), some plastic paddle thing with holes in it (for pasta maybe?), some metal contraption for smashing garlic I think, a paint brush (????) and a can opener (I know I bought this one!). What I realized is that these are all things that past boyfriends have bought for me (actually for them seeing as my cooking skills are pretty much non-existent). So, I know I've had peelers in the past but only during times I had a boyfriend. I guess pasta paddles and garlic smashers get left behind when a relationship is over but the potato peeler is sacred and must be taken with them...
posted by Sandra at 2:24 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

"amatuer straight guys"
Yes, this was actually a keyword search that landed a few people on my site. I often wonder about this. What exactly IS an amatuer straight guy? Also, if there are amatuer str8 guys out there does that mean there are "professional" str8 guys as well? Hmmm... maybe it means they get paid to be str8? Perhaps this is something I need to clarify when I meet a str8 man...

Me: Are you gay?
Guy: No, I'm straight.
Me: Are you professionally straight? or just an amatuer?
Guy: Well, I'm currently an amatuer but my life long dream is to one day be straight as a profession.

I think they need to modify personals ads so that when you check off sexual orientation it reads:

Straight (amatuer professional )
Gay
Lesbian
Bi-Sexual

People come to this site searching for some VERY odd things sometimes.
posted by Sandra at 3:03 PM
------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, April 16, 2002

Note to self...
Must remember.... never EVER go play pool with someone who has just turned 21!!! 'cause about ten BILLION tequila shots later you start to remember that you yourself are NOT 21 anymore! Sage, you are EVIL! :-) BLECH! Also, although HTML is, in itself, and strange and mysterious thing it becomes even more so when drunk. I just discovered that <Qe4P%f> wahfuf </wP^Lu> is not a recognized tag in HTML 4.01.
posted by Sandra at 1:28 AM
------------------------------------------------

Friday, April 12, 2002

MdS - Stage V: a rest day??
So since stage IV covered a day and nite, they considered that next day a "rest day". BUT that is only if you actually finished it during the night. A lot of people didn't make it until the next day so they sure didn't get very much rest. Anyway, today, Friday was Stage V, a "mere" 26 miles (42km) but I guess after the 71km they just ran, this seemed like a joy. I just checked and Doug placed 23rd today!! Were it not for the re-enactment of Dune for Stage IV, Doug would have been in the top 30 overall AT LEAST!! One more day of running and then we'll have a first-hand account of race! WAY TO GO DOUG!
posted by Sandra at 4:13 PM
------------------------------------------------

Lies and slander!!
Ok, I'm going to interrupt my unnatural fascination and coverage of the Marathon des Sables to set the record straight. Contrary to what Todd claims, I'M NOT ADDICTED TO DUNGEON SIEGE!! I just really, really, really, really LIKE it is all! :-) I have to admit, so far I'm really impressed by this game but mostly, I'm just really confused. I just don't think I'm coordinated enough to play it. :-) And don't even ask about those first-person shooters like Counter Strike or Quake! Mostly I'm cannon fodder and the player that everyone laughs at as I'm stuck in a corner somewhere. Anyway, I'm not sure that Dungeon Siege will be the new D2 but it's pretty cool. Haven't played much with the online multi-player aspect of the game. However, James and I tried to play online but set the game up wrong and his character kept chasing mine around and killing her. I didn't think that was very nice at all!
posted by Sandra at 3:30 PM
------------------------------------------------

Thursday, April 11, 2002

MdS - Stage IV: the stage from hell
Finally got news on this last stage. I was worried that maybe Doug did not make it. Over 20 people dropped out in this stage alone. Two Americans are still lost and there will be many that do not make the checkpoint in time. From all the accounts I read, this 71 km leg was a complete nightmare. Raging sand storms, HUGE dunes, and no visibility. I was relieved to see that Doug made it and somewhere in the middle of all the racers. WOO HOO! Looks like he will get his "corpse repatriation deposit" back! :-)
posted by Sandra at 2:33 PM
------------------------------------------------